Resources for Supporting Our Children in the Face of Tragedy

Oct 8

by Anna Goodkind, TCEE Director of Early Education

I am writing today in response to the tragic events that have unfolded in Israel this weekend. And I know that for many of our TCEE students, caregivers, and educators, these tragedies, though miles and miles away, hit much closer to home. Many in our community have family members and friends in Israel, and so while we are navigating conversations with our children and families about tragedies around the world, for many among us these are tragedies impacting us directly and for others they are bearing down on family and friends.

As adults, we are bombarded with information and may find it challenging to understand all the complexities of the world's events around us. At the same time, our children are trying to discern the information they know, hear, and perceive. If it feels impossible to process what is going on for us as adults, we should take a moment and reflect on the impact it may have on our children. Just as in all else that we do at TCEE, we will keep our children at the forefront of everything that we do and will look to them for cues in how to navigate these challenging conversations. With our youngest children, toddlers and preschoolers, it is important not to overwhelm them with too much information that they are not developmentally capable of processing yet. The first step in supporting them is to spend more time observing and less time talking; instead of offering information, we can watch them carefully to see how they are affected, and then address these individual needs in specific and targeted ways. It is also important to remember that even very young children, who do not fully grasp or process conversations, can be emotionally affected by any emotions or anxieties in the adults around them. Therefore, we can look for both non-verbal and verbal cues in our children, and understand that they will also be picking up on both of these in their caregivers.

And while you may not directly discuss what is happening in Israel with your children, there are very important ways to show them that you are here to love and protect them, and that we are all connected and caring for each other at times of tragedy or heightened anxieties and emotions. One of my favorite children's books to use in moments like these, and in so many others, is The Invisible String, by Patrice Karst. This book uses deep yet developmentally appropriate language and illustrations to explain to young children how we are all connected by an "invisible string" and it can help children process challenging moments, from those as common as separation at school drop-off, to missing families who live in other parts of the country or world, all the way to large scale tragedies such as wars at home and abroad. For young children, the same language of comfort and reassurance is key, no matter how small or how large the situation in which we find ourselves and our families. And sometimes, those words are all that is needed.

My own child has been going through a phase of separation anxiety at bedtime recently, and last week we read him "The Invisible String" one night, and that was the first night in weeks he did not hang onto my arm and cry when I left the room, or call for me to come back over and over again. The next night, he asked to read that book again. And again the following night. He asked a few questions as we read, but I didn't offer any further discussion or information other than what he indicated he wanted to know. And even without many of my words, he seemed to understand and find comfort in the message of the book—that we are still connected, that there is love traveling between us, no matter how far apart we may be. I know that it can often be hard to find the right words, and may feel daunting to even imagine how to appropriately process challenging topics with our children. And so that is why I offer this as an example—do not overthink how to talk to your children about tragedy, but rather observe for their cues, answer their questions honestly but directly, without any unnecessary or overly wordy details, and above all continue to find opportunities to show them that you will always love and protect them.

I wanted to share some resources for families to support healthy, open dialogue at home, if and when it is needed. The resources below are meant as a gateway to start or continue conversations at home. At school we will not be bringing up these discussions, but will have a closer eye on children's emotional wellbeing in the coming days and will listen for any verbal cues that children may need extra support; we will be in touch if anything comes up at school with your child that we think should be addressed, and we hope that you will similarly keep us informed if you are noticing at home that your child is struggling in any way at this challenging time.

If you or your family need any support, further resources, or just want to talk, please feel free at any time to reach out to me, to our Executive Director Shari Churwin, or to a member of our clergy, Rabbi Audrey Berkman or Rabbi Jenn Queen. Thank you for keeping those directly impacted in your hearts.

Resources:

How to Talk to Children About the Conflict in Israel, by Rabbi Edythe Held Mencher, LCSW

Helping Children with Tragic Events in the News, Fred Rogers Productions

Something Bad Happened: A Kid's Guide to Coping With Events in the News by Dawn Huebner

How to Talk to Kids about Tragedies by Michele Borboa

Talking with your Children about Traumatic Events (PDF) by the Riverside Trauma Cente

Helping Children Cope with Frightening News by Child Mind Institute

Explaining the News to Our Kids by Common Sense Media

How To Talk To Kids About Tragedies In The Media by the Child Development Institute

Helping Children Deal with Tragic Events in the News: Timeless wisdom from Fred Rogers for parents, caregivers and teachers (PDF), Fred Rogers Productions

Little Listeners in an Uncertain World: Coping strategies for you and your young child after traumatic events (PDF), Zero to Three

Helping Young Children in Difficult Times(PDF) by J. H. Zalles